Wednesday, November 30, 2016

The emotional rollercoaster of being a mum....

The last couple of weeks have been a rollercoaster ride of emotions, ranging from melancholy to elation to worry to anxiousness to regret but mostly immense pride.

My 'baby boy' Josh is finishing grade 12 and we've been attending functions that are draining my emotions a good way.

First there was speech night where there were a number of times I became teary, which took me by surprise. I think it was a combination of seeing him performing live and really in his element and also seeing his other friends, some of whom I've seen grow up since they were little. But it was when he took out both subject awards for music and music extension which were his favourite subjects that was the real tear jerker. He's put a massive effort into these subjects over the past couple of years and many times things went wrong or others would let him down and it was hard to see him so frustrated. But it all seemed worth it in that moment and looking back all of those things are good life lessons for him.

He also took out Composer of the Year at the music awards and that was the icing on the cake.


The tears continued at his formal. He looked so handsome and his girlfriend looked lovely. But it was taking photos beforehand with his best mate Ben that made me all emotional. These guys have been absolute best mates since almost day one of grade one and that's never waivered for the entire 12 years of school. I'm so happy for him that he's been able to have this friendship for all this time and no doubt for the rest of their lives. They've been there for each other through thick and thin and having had my best friend since high school, I can vouch for the priceless value of such a friendship.

And finally graduation, and thank god because I was all emotioned out. Seeing so many kids that I've known for so long take their final steps in their secondary education, all going their separate ways was just too much to bear at times. Seeing the other parents, some of whom I've formed amazing friendships with myself over the years was hard. But it was the finality of it all that really got to me. All the work we've done over the past years has finished in this moment. Did we do the right thing? Have we given him a good chance for his future? We couldn't change anything now and that made me melancholy and a bit anxious. But all is done now, he was saying goodbye to one era and welcoming a new, independent one for himself, with a new environment and a new set of friends. Some of these guys that Josh saw everyday he now wouldn't see again maybe until a 20 year reunion. I felt excited and scared for him at the same time. But he took it all in his stride.

His music teacher gave him this note and keyring, which he's proudly carrying every day. The journey certainly wasn't easy at times...but here we are and the only way is forward.

Excuse me while I go collapse in a blubbering mess....